Sex Ideas for Couples: 50 New Things to Try in Bed, by Spice Level

Search for sex ideas for couples and most of what comes back is a list of the same ten suggestions (try a new room, buy some lingerie, watch something together) with no sense of which ones fit where you two are right now. This list is different in two ways. Every idea comes from the library in our app, where couples have been swiping yes and no on them for years, and every idea is sorted by how spicy it is, so you can start where you are comfortable and move up only when you both want to.

There are four levels. Level 1 is sweet and mostly clothed, level 2 is warm and playful, level 3 assumes sex is on the table tonight, and level 4 involves power, restraint or denial. Most couples get the most out of the level one notch above what they usually do. Each idea is written out so you can do it tonight without planning, which makes this as much a list of new things to try in bed as a list of ideas.

If you want games with rules and a winner rather than ideas, see our 12 sex games for couples to play tonight. If you want positions, the sex position matching page covers those.

Level 1: Sweet Sex Ideas (Mostly Clothed)

These are about attention and anticipation more than sex. They are the right place to start after a busy stretch, or for a couple who has not tried anything new in a while.

1. Feather trace. One of you lies still with eyes closed. The other traces a single soft feather (or fingertip) across the face, throat, collarbones and the inside of the forearms. Nothing lower. Swap after ten minutes.
2. The 6am whisper. Whoever wakes first whispers one specific thing they find sexy about the other into their ear, then lets them go back to sleep. No follow-up allowed until evening.
3. One piece, one minute. Choose one item of your partner's clothing. Take a full minute to remove just that one thing, kissing the skin underneath as it appears. Then walk away.
4. Hand study. Hold your partner's hand and study it slowly: trace every line, kiss every knuckle, breathe in at the wrist. Neither of you speaks. It is far more intense than it sounds.
5. Blind taste test. Blindfold your partner and feed them five small bites: chocolate, fruit, honey, cheese and one surprise. They guess each one. A kiss between every bite.
6. Coffee before clothes. Make coffee for both of you in underwear only, then sit at the kitchen table holding hands until both cups are empty. Getting dressed afterwards takes longer than usual.
7. The breath circle. Lie on your sides, face to face. Breathe in as they breathe out and out as they breathe in, for fifteen breaths. Nothing else. Most couples end up closer than when they started.
8. The seduction pitch. Take five minutes each to describe exactly how you would seduce your partner if you met them for the first time tonight: the opening line, the bar, the walk home.
9. Hallway pin. The next time you pass each other in the house, press them gently against the wall and kiss for thirty seconds. Then carry on with whatever you were doing.
10. The first-kiss replay. Each of you describes your very first kiss together in as much detail as you can remember. You will remember it differently, and that is the fun part.
11. The withheld compliment. Tell your partner you noticed something incredible about them today, and that you are not going to say what it was until bedtime.
12. Behind-the-ear whisper. Walk up behind your partner while they are doing something mundane, whisper one thing you want to do to them later, and walk away before they can turn around.
13. Chorus in the dark. Lying close under the covers, lights off, each of you picks one song and sings just the chorus quietly into the other's ear before sleep.

Level 2: Warm and Playful Ideas

Now there is skin and a bit of teasing, but every one of these still works if tonight turns out more affectionate than hungry.

14. Counted undressing. Undress your partner slowly, taking exactly ten breaths per piece of clothing. They count the breaths out loud. By the time they are naked, you have shared a very slow hundred.
15. One song of kisses. Put one song on repeat for twenty minutes. No talking. Take turns covering each other's body in light kisses, switching every time the chorus comes round.
16. Fruit in bed. A plate of cut fruit between you in bed. Every piece is hand-fed, the juice ends up on skin, and whoever spilled it cleans it up.
17. The text across the table. At dinner with friends, send your partner one text from across the table: "I want you. Not later. Now." Then watch them try to finish their meal.
18. Kiss and walk away. For four days, at one random moment a day, kiss your partner properly, up against a wall, then walk away. On day five, don't walk away.
19. Honey trail. Drizzle a thin line of honey from collarbone to stomach. Follow it with your mouth, slowly, until every drop is gone.
20. The shower ambush. While they are showering, step in behind them, kiss the back of their neck for two minutes, then step out and leave them to finish alone.
21. Tell me what you'd do. Thirty minutes, no touching at all. Take turns describing exactly what you would do to each other if the rule did not exist. The first touch after the timer is worth the wait.
22. Three hidden dots. Paint three small dots of body paint (or lipstick) somewhere on yourself. Your partner has to find each one and kiss it off.
23. The 2am confession. Set an alarm for 2am. Whoever wakes first wakes the other with one whispered fantasy. Talk about it for ten minutes in the dark, then go back to sleep.
24. Underwear wrestling. Wrestle on the bed in your underwear. Whoever pins the other first decides what happens next, and the loser has to agree before the first round.
25. The underneath week. For a week, one of you wears something new underneath normal clothes each day, a little more daring every day. The other does not get to see any of it until day seven.
26. The makeup brush. Your partner lies naked on their front. Brush a big, soft makeup brush over every inch of their back and legs, very slowly. Then trade.

Level 3: Hot Ideas for Tonight

These assume you both want sex tonight and are deciding how. Several involve holding back on purpose, which is most of what makes them hot.

27. Phone sex from two rooms. Both of you undress in different rooms of the house. Call each other and talk each other all the way there by voice alone. Whoever gives in and walks over first loses.
28. The first-time do-over. Recreate the first time you slept together, same room if you can, but slower and better, using everything you have learned about each other since.
29. Read me my fantasy. One of you writes a short explicit fantasy about the two of you and sends it. The other reads it aloud in bed before any touching is allowed.
30. The hotel mirror. On your next trip, move things so the mirror catches you both. The only rule: you both have to watch.
31. Eye contact only. Sit naked across from each other and each touch yourselves, not each other. Neither of you speaks, and whoever breaks eye contact first loses.
32. Stillness. Once you are together, stop moving. Stay still, breathe together, and move again only when one of you genuinely cannot stand the stillness any longer.
33. Five senses, one at a time. Over one night, take away one sense at a time: a blindfold, then earplugs, then no kissing, then no hands. Find out what is left of each other at each step.
34. Ask nicely. One of you is only allowed to finish after asking for it out loud, in detail. The other decides whether the asking was good enough yet.
35. On the tenth breath. Bring your partner to the edge and hold them there. They are only allowed to finish on the tenth slow exhale, counted together.
36. One thing stays on. Pick one item, stockings, a shirt, a tie, a watch, that stays on for the whole night. Everything else comes off.
37. The 3am wake-up. Agree in advance that whoever wakes in the middle of the night may wake the other with their mouth. Slow, sleepy, and both asleep again within the hour.
38. The standing date. Pick one fixed evening a week for sex and treat it like a date: dress up a little, phones in another room, and show up. Scheduling it sounds unsexy until you have done it for a month.

Level 4: Kinky Sex Ideas for Couples Who Trust Each Other

These are the kinky sex ideas: control, restraint or denial. They are great for couples who have already talked about that and a bad idea as a surprise. Agree on a stop word first, and mean it. If you have not had the conversation yet, the next section is a gentle way to have it.

39. The denial diary. For seven nights, one of you writes the other a paragraph about how badly they want to finish. No replies, no relief, until the seventh night, in person.
40. The 24-hour contract. Write a one-day agreement together: who is in charge, what the rules and rewards are, and what is off limits. Sign it, live it for a full day, and talk it through at the end.
41. The user manual. Each of you writes instructions on how to please you, as if a stranger had to follow them. Read them aloud to each other. Then follow them.
42. The fantasy negotiation. Each of you writes a detailed scene: roles, words, props and limits. Swap, negotiate every detail, and book it for next weekend.
43. Headphones on. One partner wears a blindfold and headphones with one looping track. The other has them for the length of an album. They can only feel, never hear or see what is coming.
44. The mirror, restrained. Hands tied loosely, facing a full-length mirror. The restrained partner has to watch everything that happens in the reflection and is not allowed to close their eyes.
45. The remote. One of you wears a remote-controlled toy on a normal day out. The other has the remote and the timing. Nobody else knows.
46. One new thing a night. Each night for five nights, add one new piece of gear: blindfold, then cuffs, then a gag or tie, then rope, then something of your choosing. On night five, all of it at once.
47. Read back to them. Tie your partner to a chair and read their own filthiest messages back to them aloud. Touch at random, never quite enough.
48. Dressed by the other. For one evening, one of you wears only what the other chooses, and nothing else, including at dinner. The dressed one stays fully clothed.
49. The rope under the clothes. Tie a simple rope harness on your partner's body and have them wear it under their clothes to dinner out. Only the two of you know it is there.
50. Five days of instructions. One of you sends one explicit instruction every morning for five days, to be done before midnight. On day six, they collect in person.

How to Pick From This List Without Anyone Going First

The hard part of trying something new is rarely the idea. It is saying "I'd like to try number 33" out loud and waiting for the answer. Three things take that pressure away:

• Mark it privately first. Each of you reads this list alone and writes down the numbers you would try. Then compare only the overlap. Nobody hears a no, and nobody has to explain one.
• Let the shyer partner set the level. Pick the highest level for the week together, with the more cautious partner having the final say, then choose any idea at or below it.
• Use a maybe. A maybe is not a polite no. It means "not tonight, ask me again", and plenty of couples find their favourites among the maybes. Our free yes/no/maybe list works in the browser if you want the whole thing structured.

An App That Does the Picking for You

Marking privately and comparing the overlap is exactly how Couplet, our sex app for couples, works, with 1,500+ ideas and positions instead of fifty. You each swipe on your own phone, only the ideas you both said yes to are revealed, and a no is never shown to anyone. Every idea is rated by spice level, and each week brings a fresh set in the range you both chose, so "what should we try" stops being a question. If you want to know more about how that works, see our sex ideas app explainer. The core loop is free for both partners.

All fifty ideas above, and 1,450 more, with only your mutual yeses revealed. Free for both partners.

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Frequently Asked Questions

What are some new sex ideas for couples to try?

Start one notch above what you usually do. For most couples that is a level 2 idea from this list: a slow undressing with a counted breath per piece of clothing, a week of kiss-and-walk-away, or thirty minutes of describing what you would do with no touching allowed. Fifty ideas are written out here across four spice levels.

How do you bring up a new sex idea with your partner?

Don't pitch it on the spot. Each of you reads the same list alone, marks the numbers you would try, and you compare only the overlap. That way nobody hears a no, and whatever you end up trying, you both already chose it. Couplet does this with swipes on 1,500+ ideas.

What does spice level mean for sex ideas?

It is how explicit an idea is. Level 1 is sweet and clothed, level 2 is warm and playful, level 3 is hot and assumes sex is on the table, level 4 involves power, restraint or denial and belongs to couples who have talked about that first. Pick a level together before you pick an idea.

Is there an app with sex ideas for couples?

Yes. Couplet is a sex ideas app for couples with 1,500+ ideas and positions rated by spice level. You each swipe privately on your own phone and only the ideas you both said yes to are revealed. It is free for both partners.

What are some new things to try in bed?

Pick one level above your usual and choose from there. Popular first picks from this list: counted undressing (14), kiss and walk away (18), phone sex from two rooms (27), the first-time do-over (28) and, for kinkier couples, the user manual (41). All fifty are written out above, sorted by spice level.

What are some kinky sex ideas for couples?

Level 4 of this list is the kinky part: a denial diary, a one-day power exchange contract, sensory deprivation with a blindfold and headphones, restraint in front of a mirror, a remote-control toy on a day out. Agree on a stop word first. If you are new to kink, our explainer on what a kink is covers how to bring one up.