The Butterfly Sex Position: How to Do It, Tips and Variations

The butterfly sex position is a variation of missionary where one partner lies on their back at the edge of the bed with their legs raised, and the other partner stands at the edge. It is one of the easiest ways to make familiar face-to-face sex feel new: deeper, more precise, and with a lot of eye contact, without anyone having to hold their own body weight.

How to Do the Butterfly Position

1. The receiving partner lies on their back across the bed, with their hips right at the edge of the mattress.
2. They raise their legs and rest them on the standing partner's shoulders, or bend their knees and place their feet on their partner's chest.
3. The other partner stands at the edge of the bed, between their legs, holding their hips or thighs for leverage.
4. Find the height. If the bed is too low, put a firm pillow or two under the hips of the partner lying down. If it is too high, the standing partner bends their knees slightly or you switch to a lower surface.
5. Move slowly at first. The angle makes everything feel deeper, so let the partner lying down say when to go faster.

Why Couples Like the Butterfly

• Depth and angle. Raised legs tilt the pelvis upward, which many people find hits a different spot than regular missionary.
• Easy on the body. Nobody balances on their arms or carries weight. The standing partner uses their legs, and the bed does the rest.
• Eye contact. You face each other the whole time, which keeps it intimate rather than athletic.
• Free hands. The partner lying down can touch themselves, and the standing partner can easily reach too.

Tips to Make It Better

• Pillow under the hips is the single biggest improvement. It raises the angle and takes strain off the lower back.
• Legs on shoulders vs feet on chest. Legs on shoulders is deeper; feet on the chest gives the partner lying down more control over depth by pushing back.
• Use a different surface. A sturdy table, desk or kitchen counter at hip height works just as well and adds a bit of spontaneity.
• Add a hand. The angle leaves room for clitoral stimulation, which makes orgasm much more likely for many people.

Variations

• One leg up: one leg on the shoulder, the other bent with the foot on the bed. Less deep, easier to hold.
• Legs together: both legs straight up and together against one shoulder for a tighter feel.
• Kneeling butterfly: if the bed is too low, the standing partner kneels on a pillow on the floor instead.

Is the Butterfly Position Right for You?

It suits most couples, especially those who like missionary but want more depth. Skip it or go gently if the partner lying down has hip or lower-back pain, or if deep penetration is uncomfortable for them: the feet-on-chest version gives them a natural way to control depth. Similar positions worth trying are legs up, which is the same idea on the bed, and the bear hug, which uses the same bed-edge setup for a much closer embrace.

Want more? Our guide to 20 sex positions for couples covers the rest, from easy and intimate to adventurous. And if you would rather find out which ones your partner wants to try without asking out loud, Couplet, our sex position app for couples, lets you both swipe privately and only reveals the positions you both said yes to.

Curious which positions your partner wants to try? Swipe privately, only mutual yeses are revealed. Free for both partners.

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Frequently Asked Questions

What is the butterfly sex position?

The butterfly is a missionary variation: one partner lies on their back with their hips at the edge of the bed and their legs raised onto the shoulders or chest of the other partner, who stands at the edge of the bed.

Is the butterfly position good for beginners?

Yes. It needs no balance or strength, just a bed at the right height. A firm pillow under the hips fixes most height differences.

What if our bed is too low for the butterfly?

Put one or two firm pillows under the hips of the partner lying down, have the standing partner kneel on a cushion, or use a sturdier surface at hip height like a table or desk.

What is the difference between the butterfly and legs up?

In legs up, both partners are on the bed. In the butterfly, one partner stands at the edge, which gives more leverage and a slightly different angle with less effort.