Sexual Fantasies List: 40 Common Fantasies and How to Share Yours

A sexual fantasies list is useful for one simple reason: it is much easier to point at something than to say it out loud. Below are 40 common sexual fantasies, grouped by the seven themes researcher Justin Lehmiller found when he surveyed more than 4,000 Americans for Tell Me What You Want, where 97% said they have sexual fantasies. If yours is on the list, you are in good company.

Each entry gives the fantasy in a line, then the milder way couples bring it home, because the real question is usually "is mine normal, and could I ever tell my partner?" Both get an answer below.

What Counts as a Sexual Fantasy

A sexual fantasy is any sexual thought or scene you enjoy imagining: a story you have returned to for years or a flicker in the shower, starring your partner, a stranger, someone famous, or a version of you that never appears in daylight.

What it is not is a plan. A fantasy is something you enjoy thinking about; a desire is something you want to happen. Plenty of people would turn down their favorite fantasy flat if offered for real. Having one tells you what your mind finds exciting to imagine, and nothing on its own about what you want to do or whether anything is wrong in your relationship. Nearly everyone has them: in Lehmiller's survey, people with none were the rare ones.

The 7 Types of Sexual Fantasies

Nearly every fantasy in Lehmiller's survey fell into one of seven themes, and most people's touch more than one.

• Multi-partner sex. Threesomes and group sex. Very common as a fantasy, much rarer in practice; the appeal is being wanted by more than one person at once.
• Power, control and rough sex. Being in charge or giving up control, being tied up, spanked, "taken". Among the most common in the survey, and about the dynamic far more than pain.
• Novelty and adventure. Somewhere new, a position you have never tried, the risk of being caught. About breaking routine more than the beach itself.
• Taboo and forbidden. Things you are not supposed to want: watching, being watched, a fetish, someone off limits. The thrill is the rule-breaking, so these are often more exciting imagined than done.
• Partner sharing and non-monogamy. Open relationships, swinging, watching your partner with someone else. For most couples a talking fantasy, and it works as one.
• Passion and romance. Being completely desired, slow intense sex, being seduced properly. Least discussed because it does not sound "dirty", and one of the most common.
• Erotic flexibility. Fantasies that bend gender or sexuality. Having one says nothing about your orientation; it says you have an imagination.

40 Common Sexual Fantasies

Grouped by family, from the ones couples try first to the ones that need the most conversation. Nothing here is a recommendation: it is a vocabulary.

Power and control

1. Being tied up. Restrained while your partner does as they please. At home, a soft scarf or padded cuffs, two fingers of slack, scissors in the drawer, never left alone, and numbness or tingling means untie now.
2. Tying your partner up. Having all the control for a while. The gentlest version uses no rope at all: "hold the headboard and don't let go".
3. Being told what to do. One partner instructs, the other follows, for an evening. Start with one instruction a night for a week.
4. Giving the orders. Deciding everything, from what gets worn to what happens next. At home: you plan the whole evening and your partner says yes to everything inside agreed limits.
5. Being "taken". Your partner wanting you so much they stop being polite. The real version is agreed in advance with a stop word, which is what makes it fun.
6. Spanking. Giving or receiving, for the sting or as part of a game. Hand only to start, fleshy areas only (buttocks, upper thighs), never the kidneys, spine or joints, stop word agreed, check in afterwards.
7. Being made to wait. Your partner deciding when you are allowed to finish. A twenty-minute "not yet" rule tells you whether this one is for you.

Being watched and watching

8. Being watched by your partner. Undressing or touching yourself while they watch and may not touch. At home: lamp on, a chair across the room.
9. Watching your partner. The reverse: they perform, you are the only audience. A slow undressing or a boudoir photo session on one phone is the usual start.
10. Being seen by strangers. The exhibitionist fantasy. Keep it legal and private: a mirror, lingerie under a long coat at dinner, a video that lives on one phone.
11. The risk of getting caught. Sex somewhere you should not. The imagined risk does the work, so the kitchen counter with the curtains closed delivers the thrill.
12. Watching other people. The voyeur fantasy. Watch something together and talk about which scene landed, or invent the sex lives of strangers from a hotel window.

Roleplay and strangers

13. Sex with a stranger. Someone with no history and no expectations. Meet at a bar with new names and backstories, and do not break character for an hour.
14. Someone who should not. A boss, a teacher, a doctor, a neighbor. Talk about which role pulls you and why, then play it between the two of you.
15. Being someone else entirely. A bolder version of you, a character from a book. A costume and a new name do most of the work.
16. Paying or being paid. The escort fantasy, where everything is negotiated up front. At home: an envelope of play money and a frank talk about what is on offer tonight.
17. Being seduced slowly. Someone working to win you over across days. Recreate it with a week of escalating texts before anyone may touch.
18. Someone famous. Almost everyone has one. Tell each other who, laugh, and see whether your partner can do a passable impression for an evening.

Would your partner share this fantasy?

Find out without asking. In Couplet you both swipe through ideas like these on your own phone, and only the ones you both said yes to are revealed. A no stays private. Free for both partners.

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New places and situations

19. Sex outdoors. A beach, a forest, a field at night. The private version is a tent in the garden or a balcony nobody can see into.
20. A hotel room. Anonymous, big bed, no chores in sight. One of the most achievable fantasies here: book a night in your own city.
21. A room you never use. The kitchen table, the shower, the stairs. The easiest fantasy to make real tonight.
22. Holiday sex. The version of you both that exists without alarms or laundry. Declare a Saturday a holiday: phones off, no plans.
23. Being woken up with sex. Common, and worth an explicit conversation: consent to being woken is a real agreement. Settle it in daylight.
24. A new sensation. A toy, a blindfold, ice, warm oil. Shop for it together, unbox it together, try it the same night.

Taboo-flavored but harmless

25. A fetish for a body part or material. Feet, stockings, leather, a particular voice. The item simply joins the evening, and your partner learns which details matter most.
26. Being called names. The opposite of praise, and the one that needs the most trust. Agree the exact words, what is never said, and the aftercare in advance.
27. Pretending to resist. The "captured" fantasy, where you struggle and lose on purpose. Most couples keep it talk only; those who play it script it first and use traffic lights: green for more, yellow for slow down, red for stop instantly.
28. Someone you know. A friend, a coworker, the neighbor. Very common, and you owe nobody a name. Roleplay the type rather than the person.
29. A past version of your partner. The first time you undressed each other, the honeymoon shower. Recreate it: same room, same kind of clothes, half the speed.

Romance and intensity

30. Being completely desired. Your partner wanting you more than anything. At home: a night where one of you is the entire focus.
31. Slow, endless sex. An hour of foreplay with no destination. Set a timer for forty minutes of touching before anything else is allowed.
32. Being seduced from scratch. Your partner winning you over as if tonight were the first time. Take five minutes each to describe how you would do it.
33. Somewhere beautiful. Candles, rain on the window, a fireplace, a bath. The fantasy is attention, so build the room on a Tuesday.
34. Being told what they love about your body. The praise fantasy, in detail. Ten specific things, said slowly while touching the part in question.
35. Reunion sex. Coming back to each other after time apart. Fake it: one leaves for the day and knocks at the door at night like a guest.

More than two

36. A threesome. The best-known multi-partner fantasy. Talk first: describe your ideal third person to each other while touching, agreed as fantasy only.
37. Group sex. The abundance fantasy. Ask each other which element appeals (being watched, more hands, no rules) and find the two-person version of that.
38. Watching your partner with someone else. Often called cuckolding or hotwifing. Tell each other the fantasy in full, agreed beforehand as talk only.
39. Your partner watching you with someone else. The mirror of the one above, same rule: a vivid conversation with no obligation attached.
40. Someone of a different gender than usual. The erotic flexibility fantasy. Share it, no action required, and notice that nothing changed by saying it.

What Your Fantasies Say About You (Not Much)

People read fantasies like tea leaves: a rough fantasy must mean a wish to be hurt, a threesome fantasy must mean dissatisfaction. None of it holds up. A fantasy is not a wish list. It is your mind playing with whatever is exciting because it is out of reach, out of character or out of bounds.

That is why taboo fantasies are so common: the forbidden is exciting because it is forbidden, and the thrill often evaporates the moment the thing becomes allowed, let alone real. Most people who fantasize about being watched would be mortified to be watched. So there is no need to analyze yours or your partner's. Enjoy them, share the ones you want to, and treat the rest as private weather.

How to Tell Your Partner Your Fantasy

Most fantasies stay unspoken because saying "I think about being tied up" out loud feels like handing someone a weapon. Four things make it easier:

1. Pick a neutral moment. Not during sex and not right after. A walk or a long drive beats the bedroom: nobody feels they have to act on it tonight.
2. Frame it as "I read about this". "I came across a list of fantasies and this one stuck with me" asks for a conversation, not a yes.
3. Offer the mild version. A scarf rather than rope, a week of texts rather than a stranger in a bar. A yes to the small ask tells you whether to raise the bigger one.
4. Or answer privately and compare only the overlap. Each of you marks a list alone and you look only at where the yeses match. Nobody hears a no and nobody goes first.

Our guide on how to talk about fantasies without awkwardness covers the conversation itself in depth.

Sex Fantasy Ideas You Can Actually Do This Week

Eight ways to get fantasies out of your heads and into the room.

1. The fantasy menu swap. Each writes down five sexual things you have been thinking about lately. Swap lists and talk through every item.
2. One fantasy a night for five nights. Take turns sharing one in detail at bedtime, no touching, no judgment. On night six, pick one to act on, mildest form.
3. The written scene swap. Each writes a 300-word story about a fantasy starring the two of you. Trade, and read each other's aloud in bed.
4. The bedtime whisper. Lie on your sides facing each other, eyes closed, and whisper a fantasy you have never told them. Then sleep; nothing has to happen that night.
5. The roleplay do-over. Recreate the first time you acted on a shared fantasy, or the first time you undressed each other. Same scene, same dialogue, slower now.
6. The text-only fantasy day. Spend a day apart describing one fantasy to each other by text, one message at a time, no touching until evening.
7. Make one confessed fantasy mildly real. Pick a fantasy your partner has mentioned but never acted on, and spend an evening on the version you are both comfortable with.
8. Read erotica aloud. Choose a story together, or write your own and swap, then take turns reading before any touching starts.

Finding the Fantasies You Share Without Saying Them First

The answer-privately-then-compare step is exactly how Couplet, our sex app for couples, works. Its library of 1,500+ ideas and positions includes a whole family of fantasy and roleplay ideas, from the fantasy menu swap to the stranger at the bar, rated by spice level. You each swipe on your own phone, only the ideas you both said yes to are revealed, and a no is never shown to anyone. It is a low-stakes way to discover your partner was curious about the same fantasy all along. The core loop is free for both partners.

Find the fantasies you share, with only your mutual yeses revealed. Free for both partners.

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Frequently Asked Questions

What are the most common sexual fantasies?

In Justin Lehmiller's survey of more than 4,000 Americans for Tell Me What You Want, fantasies clustered into seven themes: multi-partner sex, power and rough sex, novelty and adventure, taboo scenarios, partner sharing, passion and romance, and erotic flexibility. Power and restraint fantasies, such as being tied up or being taken, were among the most common of all.

Is it normal to have sexual fantasies about other people?

Yes. Fantasies about strangers, celebrities, exes and people you know are among the most ordinary there are, and say nothing about how you feel about your partner. A fantasy is a thought you enjoy, not a plan. It is only a problem if it causes you real distress or you act on it without consent.

What are the 7 types of sexual fantasies?

From Lehmiller's research: multi-partner sex, power and control and rough sex, novelty and adventure, taboo and forbidden scenarios, partner sharing and non-monogamy, passion and romance, and erotic flexibility (fantasies that bend gender or sexuality). Most people's fantasies fit more than one theme.

How do I tell my partner about my sexual fantasy?

Pick a neutral moment outside the bedroom, frame it as something you read about rather than a request, and offer the mildest version first. If that still feels too risky, each of you answers a list privately and you compare only the overlap, so nobody hears a no and nobody goes first. Couplet does exactly that with swipes.

Should couples act on their fantasies?

Only the ones you both want to, and only in the version you both want. Many fantasies work best as talk, roleplay or a milder version at home, and some lose their appeal once real. Agree limits and a stop word in advance, start small, and check in afterwards.